New Years: The Grandma Warnock Special

I had a great weekend hanging out with my family. We had to rehash the grandma situation which I am, at this point, excessively tired of hearing. Grandma Warnock has dominated our last three occasions together without ever having been there. My mother hates going back to Ohio which she, my father and brother all did for about five days. Mom got sick and blamed it on Ohio. My brother described driving back and going through New Jersey, "When we started through Newark, Mom looked up at some refinery and said 'Even New Jersey looks good after Ohio.'"

No doubt! I couldn't muster the strength to go back. I think my parents asked me about four times as if I'd never answered them. "No No No! I no go to Ohio. Enough about the Ohio!" It's a forsaken land, this Toledo. This especially without your own weals while living with my grandmother Warnock. I don't think I could ever eat a butcher's special hamburger again. There is no "Butcher's Special." It's just old meat they have to get rid of. But mix that with some iceburg lettuce, a cardboard piece of tomato and a warm diet coke, you've got a grandma Warnock Lunch. Of course this has kept her alive for the last 72 years. I hardly have such a record.